There are two meanings of the phrase "listening skills", One refers to the type of listening
practice which we do when learning a foreign language. The other meaning is about the art of
being a good listener to other people. In this, the key to good listening is in the Chinese
character ting. It tells us a lot about how we should listen to each other. These are the parts
of the character: "ear", "you", "eyes", "undivided attention" and "heart".
Being a good listener means much more than just "listening with ears", "Eyes" means that I should
look at you while you are speaking as a sign of respect. In other words I whould not watch TV, or
look over your whoulder at other people while we are talking together.
"Undivided attention" is another sign of respect. You may have noticed that very few people
listen with complete attention. Most people half-listen, and if you ask them to repeat what you
have just said, they cannot, They may appear to be listening, but in fact lots of things are running
around inside their heads: shopping lists, things to do, worries, problems and so on.
What about "heart" ? "Heart" is what makes you love other people. You can love your friend, even
though you don't agree with everything she or he says. So when you listen to someone, you should
listen with complete attention, and with complete respect for the other person.
Here are some more tips on becoming a good listener. First, take turns to listen. Don't all try to
speak at the same time shen you are in a group. Listen without interrupting, and stop others from
interrupting. Then it will be someone else's turn. That way everyone gets the chance to speak and
to be listened to with respect.
Second, if your friends have problems, do not give advice. Ask questions instead, such as "What do
you want? How do you feel about it? What are you afraid might happen?" They will be able to find
answers to any problems themselves, with your support. They just need encouragement and complete
turst that they are doing their best. Third, listen and be quiet while others are talking! Don't
interrupt, saying, "Oh yes, that reminds me of ..." and start to tell your story. If someone has
a serious problem, or illness or sadness, this is not the time to talk about a similar event in y-
our life that happened years ago.
Most of ua are able to solve most of our problems. Often, all we need is a good friend who will
listen to us while we "talk things through". If friends can take turns to listen to each other
well, life will be better!