DINNER WITH JEAN
We did not speak: we stood there looking at each other. I felt slightly sick seeing a man who
looked so exactly like myself. I remembered moments when, passing a shop-window, I had suddenly seen
myself in the glass, another man who looked just like me--who was me.
He took me by the arm. "Come here with me," he said. He led me to a big looking-glass. There were
many bottles on a shelf in front of it, but behind the bottles the glass showed us standing together
eagerly looking at ourselves, at each other. Hair, eyes, height were exactly the same. It was as if
one man stood there.
He said--and even his voice sounded exactly like mine--" I make it a rule never to be surprised at
anything in life. There is no reason for me to break that rule now. What will you drink?"
We took our drinks to a place where the glass was less steamy and there was less crowd. We looked at
ourselves in glass. He smiled, and I smiled too; then he looked angry and I imitated him; he
arranged his neck-tie and I arranged mine; we drank to see how we looked drinking. We might have
been two actors studying each other.
"Are you a rich man?" he asked.
"No. Why?"
"If we did this as a show in a theatre we would be paid a lot of money ... If you haven't got a
train to catch we might go on drinking." He ordered some more drinks.
"Where have you come from? Where do you live?"
"London."
"Are you in a business there for your company?"
He had taken me for a Frenchman like himself. "I'm English," I said, "but I've studied your
language. I teach French history in a university in England."
"Are you married?"
"No. I have no frmily. I live alone."
"You're lucky--very lucky!" He raised his glass:"I drink to your freedom! Long may it last! I'm a
family man. Very much so! I was caught long ago, and I have never escaped--except during the war!"
"Are you a business man?" I asked.
"I own some land not far from here and I have a small factory which makes glass ... Have you a car?"
"Yes. I left it near the church."
"Are you staying here in Le Mans tonight?"
"I don't know. I have been thinking of spending a few days at la Grande-Trappe. It's not far from
here."
"Why do you want to go there?"
"I thought that if I stayed a few days there I might find the courage to go on living."
He looked at me thoughtfully as he finished his drink. "What's the trouble?" he said. "A woman?
Money? The police? Illness?"
"No. None of those. There's nothing wrong. It's just that I've failed in life. I'm a failure."
"So are we all," he said. "You and I and all the people in the room. We are all failures. You must
say doesn't matter or trouble you any more. There is no need to go to la Grande-Trappe immediately.
Let's go have dinner. As I'm a family man I'm not in a hurry to go home."
Then I remembered the man in the car who had spoken to me.
"Are you called Jean?" I asked.
"Yes. Jean de Gue. Why do you ask?"
"Some man mistook me for you in the street. The man said 'Hello, Jean'. When I said 'You're mistaken
' he laughed and thought that you didn't want to be seen here in Le Mans."
"That wouldn't surprise me."
"Then he drove away saying, 'I'll see you on Sunday at the shooting-party.'"
His expression changed and I wished I could read his thoughts. Then he said, "I'll get a taxi, put
my bags in it and we'll go to your car. Then we'll drive to some place for dinner."
I agreed.
We got into a taxi and he put his bags in it. Then he said,
"Was he quite deceived--the man who called out to you?"
"Oh yes, completely. He said, 'I suppose your visit to Paris was wasted' and he seemed to think you
didn't want to be seen in Le Mans. Does that mean anything to you?"
"Oh yes!"